I Need You
by PyroChilde
Summary: This is a missing scene from OotP. Harry and Sirius have a long overdue conversation while Sirius is having a “fit of the sullens”, and both come to an understanding. No Slash. Oneshot. R&R!


Title: I Need You  
Author: PyroChilde  
Summary: A missing scene from OotP. Harry and Sirius have a long overdue conversation while Sirius is having a "fit of the sullens", and both come to an understanding. No Slash. One-shot.  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the HP characters, those belong to JKR. I just play with them to the amusement of my muse. Don't sue, I'm broke anyways. :)

**I Need You**

The conversation he'd had with Hermione was playing over and over again is his head as Harry made his way up the stairs and down the hall towards the room his godfather was holed up in. Stopping outside the large oak door, Harry silently berated himself for feeling so nervous. _You've never been nervous about talking to Sirius before!_ He reminded himself forcibly, taking a deep breath and knocking lightly on the door before him. Frowning when he got no reply, Harry tried the handle and was relieved to find that it turned easily within his grasp. He pushed it gently opened, wincing when the heavy door squeaked loudly in the quiet room.

The shadowy room was blanketed in silence and it seemed almost unnatural, forbidden, to enter uninvited. Harry, attempting to shake off the eerie feeling, closed the door behind him and called out softly for his godfather. The man was just sitting there, his back to the wall, unmoving. The great canopy bed made Sirius seem so much smaller and it gave Harry an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He'd always been amazed by how Sirius appeared larger than life. Now though, with his slumped shoulders and hunched back, he looked small and alone. The fact that he hadn't answered Harry's call increased the boy's concern. Sirius had never ignored him before and it just didn't sit well with the young Gryffindor.

Sighing heavily, Harry made his way around the bed and looked down into the face of the only family he'd ever known. Dark circles made the young man seem so much older than his years and the faraway look in his eyes was so reminiscent of the haunted look he'd had just after escaping Azkaban that Harry nearly gasped. _How could it have gotten this bad without me even noticing?_ Guilt slammed into his chest and when he reached out to lay a hand on Sirius' shoulder, he found that he was trembling.

"S-Sirius?" he called again, his hand laying upon his godfather's shoulder. Sirius snapped out of whatever trance-like state he'd fallen into with a start, nearly jumping when he found that he was no longer alone in the room. His godson's presence and the troubled look in the boy's eyes brought him fully back to himself and worry etched itself across his face.

"What is it Harry? What's wrong?" he asked gently. Harry almost chuckled at the irony and he would have if he hadn't been so worried. Sighing again, Sirius idly noted that a boy so young should never have to sigh like that, Harry knelt before his godfather.

"That's what I wanted to ask you Sirius…I mean…you're so…distant these days. Did I – did I do something? Are you…mad at me?" Harry knew full well that Sirius was not angry with him. He also knew that inquiries about his well being would most likely be brushed off as nothing unless Sirius had a reason to explain himself. Needing to put his godson's insecurities at rest was probably the best way to do that and so Harry played what cards he'd been dealt. Sirius' eyes went wide and Harry knew his ruse had worked. Some small part of him felt bad about the emotional manipulation, but if it would get him to open up it was worth it.

"Harry, no!" he whispered fervently. "No, it's…"Sirius trailed off, looking heavenwards as if searching for the answers himself.

"Hermione said…she said that part of you was hoping that I'd be expelled and then we could be outcasts together. She also said…she thinks that sometimes…you can't tell the difference between my dad and me." Harry suggested softly. Sure, he'd denied this as a possibility when his friend had suggested it. He'd brushed it off just as Ron had and chalked the whole thing up to his godfather's aggravation at being stuck in a place that he hated. Still, what Hermione said had a ring of truth to it. Harry couldn't deny that the prospect of staying with Sirius, of having a real home with a real family, wasn't appealing. Sure, he loved Hogwarts, but he knew in his heart that he'd trade it in an instant if it meant finally having a place to call home with someone that loved him. Glancing up into those clouded silver eyes, Harry saw that he'd hit on something Sirius had not wanted him to know.

"I'm a real prat, you know that kiddo? I understand if you're angry, I deserve your anger Harry." He sighed, the tinge of self-loathing in his voice making Harry cringe. Shocking the older wizard, Harry chuckled softly and shook his head. Getting up from his crouched position, he moved to sit beside his godfather on the bed. The two of them sat there in silence for a moment before Harry answered, both staring blankly at the wall ahead of them.

"For a minute there, when I thought I would be expelled, I was excited about it." He whispered, sharing for the first time a secret he'd promised himself he'd never tell another soul. Sirius seemed shocked, as Harry knew he would.

"Why?!" he asked, confusion evident in his voice.

"Well…it meant I could stay with you…if you still wanted me." Harry admitted softly. He chanced a look back at the other man and for the first time since he'd entered the room, Sirius' eyes were shining brightly. Awe, surprise, and something Harry had never seen directed at him, love, sparkled in those eyes. He seemed to be struggling to speak, but Harry had started and now he couldn't stop until he'd said all he needed to say to the only family he'd ever known.

"I've never had a family, never had anyone actually _want_ me around before. My whole life I've been nothing but a burden on people, something that they wish they could get rid of but they just can't." Harry started, looking at the ground and trying to keep the pain out of his voice as he thought about the first eleven years of his life. He didn't look at his godfather then, didn't want to see pity or even sympathy in his eyes because he knew that if he did he wouldn't be able to finish saying what he had to say. He took a deep breath and pushed forwards.

"Then suddenly I'm a wizard and I have friends and…people actually _like_ being around me? It was all so much…but…as happy as I was, every summer I went back to being this _thing_, something less than human that no one really wanted. Then…then there was you, my godfather!" Now he did look and he saw silent tears streaming from said godfather's eyes. The emotion there gave him strength to push forward once again. His voice was strong and sincere when he continued this time and he held eye contact the entire time.

"You showed up that night and everything changed. It didn't matter that I was stuck with the Dursley's every summer because I knew that you were out there and I wasn't alone anymore. I had a family, someone that cared about me not because of this stupid scar on my head, but because they cared about _me_! You changed my life Sirius…how could I be angry at you for not wanting me to leave you stuck here in this house you hate? I know what that feels like, I know how horrible it is to be trapped and cut off from…just about everything."

Harry ducked his head slightly, a little shocked at how he'd just poured his heart out like that. For one terrifying second he wondered, what if Sirius didn't care about him like Harry cared about his godfather. All his doubts were blown away like so much smoke when Sirius pulled him suddenly into a tight hug. His frame shook slightly and Harry felt tears drip onto his untamed black hair. Wrapping his arms around the man's waist, Harry returned the embrace with just as much intensity. With a smile he thought, I do have a home.

"Well Hermione was wrong about one thing Harry. I could never confuse you and James. Your father was an amazing friend, a brother to me in every way but blood, but you have your mum's heart. Bloody hell, James would have smacked me upside the head and told me to get over myself." Sirius joked when he pulled back to look into his godson's eyes, Lilly's eyes…and yet…not. Both wizards had red-rimmed eyes and tearstained faces but neither seemed to notice or care.

"You're not gonna mix me up with her are you?" Harry responded with a smirk. Both of them laughed. Then Sirius grew quiet again.

"I do care about you Harry, more than you could ever imagine. When I got out of Azkaban all I wanted, all I knew was revenge. You changed my life as well kid, you made it worth living. I really have been a royal prat. I'm sorry about that Harry. I promise, it'll be better from now on." Harry nodded, knowing that his godfather was telling him the truth. Getting to their feet, smiles on both faces for the first time in a very long time, godfather and godson made their way out of the shadowy room. It didn't seem appropriate for their new moods. As the reached the door, Harry stopped, placing a hand on Sirius' arm to halt his progress as well.

"Sirius…just promise me you won't do anything stupid when I go back to school ok? Don't do anything that would get you caught, even if that means staying in the horrible house. I…I need you. You're all I've got and I've only just found you…I'm not ready to lose you any time soon. Ok?"

"Yeah Harry, ok." Sirius responded with a genuine smile and this time, when he said the words, he meant them. It had been a very long time since he'd had to think about anyone but himself and his own well being, but Harry was right. His godson needed him and Sirius wasn't going to let him down…even if it meant staying in the house and listening to Severus Snape's biting words, because Harry was worth it.

Leaving the room behind, the wizards made their way down the stairs just in time for one of Molly Weasley's famously delicious meals. For the first time in weeks, Sirius laughed and joked right along with the rest of them. Harry's smile could have lit up the room. He would be heading off to school in a matter of days, but Sirius would be there when he got back. In the midst of war, Harry and Sirius had found a moment of calm. Everything would be ok. They had each other now, the two lonely outcasts had found their way home.

end

**Author's Note: I think I've made this a bit too…girlie and emotional. What do you think? Too OOC? Let me know, reviews make my day and will be returned!  
**


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